Distant World Reincarnation
by Ganurath
Summary: Orochimaru likes to experiment with jutsu, and to have whatever advantage he can in his plans. It would be my luck that he decided to summon an intelligence with knowledge to help him plan his attack on Konoha. OC Self-Insert, currently on hiatus.


I groaned as I started to wake up, a dull ache running through my back due to the stiffness of the bed. My eyes opened slowly, since it hadn't been an alarm waking me up, an assumption reinforced by the pitch darkness. As I shifted to check my clock, I immediately noticed several things, each of which alone would have been cause for alarm.

First, I was not in my bed, but was on a stone slab. I assumed it was a slab, but it definitely felt like stone against my skin. Nudity would be alarming generally, but the sheet draped over me was a comfort, if a cold one. Second was that several leather straps were wrapped over the sheet to secure me to the stone, including wrist binds and a blindfold. The blindfold was actually a bit of a kindness, as the third thing I noticed was the sound of exoskeletal legs skittering across stone all around me. Somehow, some way, I knew it was spiders.

Finally, I wasn't breathing. I had not taken a single breath since I had woken up. I tried to breathe, just to see if I could, and my efforts were rewarded with a shaky inhalation. I let out a sigh of relief, manually controlling my breathing to try to keep myself calm as much as due to the apparent necessity. All I could really do in the current situation was hope that someone would notice before the spiders started crawling on me.

"Do my eyes deceive me, or has a new player entered the game?" The voice was that of a male teenager, and it sounded like he had an energetic sort of curiosity. I continued to breathe slow and steady, not immediately sure as to how to deal with the gear shift from pants-wettingly horrifying to outright bizarre. Whoever this kid was, it said something about him that he wasn't bothered by the spiders. I wasn't sure what it said, but I didn't think it spoke kindly of him.

Multiple hands press against my chest, just enough to make contact. I inhaled sharply at the contact, but after holding it for a few seconds I continued my steady breathing. With how little I knew of my surroundings, what else could I do? This, for some reason, got a rather dark chuckle out of the teenager. "He's taking steady breaths. Hey, newbie, how do you feel about joining the chat?"

I pause my breathing, not immediately sure how to react to that. I had no way of understanding what was done to me, or the motives of the people surrounding me. It was incredibly stupid to be direct in this situation, but given the circumstances I wasn't in a state of mind to be smart, let alone smart enough. "…I'm naked, blindfolded, strapped to a rock, and surrounded by spiders. This is not an environment that promotes mental health, let alone casual dialogue."

"I fucking _told_ you that the spiders were a bad idea!" I started at the sound of a female voice coming from the opposite side of the slab. Specifically, I heard the voice of a teenage female. Oddly enough, this made the spiders less of a concern. "Would it have seriously been so fucking difficult to have written out all the seals manually?"

"Watch your language, Tayuya." With the deep voice joining the conversation, I now had a name. That name, however, became less relevant as the character traits of those gathered began to form a picture. Spiders, gamer references, a cussing girl with a fat guy telling her to stop, it all scratched at the back of my mind. When the word "seals" got added to the mix, I audibly groaned at the realization, prompting the heavy guy to speak up again. "What is it?"

I sigh, and vocalized the shot in the dark. It was insane, but on the other hand, everything about the situation was insane. Last I checked, a double negative made a positive. "I'm better with faces than names, but… Would I be speaking with the elite bodyguards of Orochimaru?"

For a few seconds, my only answer was silence. Then, I felt a pressure in my gut, coupled with a mild aching pain, as I was struck in the stomach. I grunted, and the pressure withdrew as I heard a new voice, soft in tone and utterly without compassion. "You are to refer to him as Orochimaru-_sama_."

_Is that Kidimaro?_ If he was both alive and active, that said multiple things about the current timeline. He was active prior to the Chuunin Exam… Were the Sound Four involved during the Exam? Wait, yes! They made the barrier that isolated the duel between Orochimaru and the Hokage. Ah, he had to have been diagnosed before Oro got involved in the Exam, otherwise Orochimaru wouldn't have been probing Sasuke. Well, he might have, just not so aggressively.

"Duly noted, Kidimaro. Since we've established who I'm currently with, might I ask why I've been brought here?" I strained at the restraints, but they didn't seem to want to give way. After I realized I had forgotten to breathe again, I take a deep breath and try to shift my head toward where spider-guy's voice came from. "Actually, come to think of it, I have several questions regarding my current situation. For example, _could someone please get rid of the fucking spiders?!_"

That got a laugh out of Tayuya and what I assumed were the twins, but grumbling from spider guy. Soon, though, I hear the reassuring sound of summons popping out of existence. Then, the high male voice of one of the twins joins the conversation. "You were brought to us for your insights, if nothing else. We're all fortunate that the translation seal Orochimaru-sama put into your new body is functional."

"New body?" My mouth acted before my mind, but my reaction probably would have been the same either way. The breathing issue had been tugging at the back of my mind the entire conversation, and with that new detail added in I was on the verge of panic. "What about my old body?"

"Not a fucking clue." It was Tayuya that spoke now, and given the content of her words the profanity seemed rather appropriate. "We basically just sucked your brain out and stuck it in an animated corpse prepared to host a mind from beyond time and space. You could be a copy, or your old body could fucked."

"Tayuya, I thought I said to watch your language."

"Speaking of, anyone mind if I go into a profanity laden tirade fueled by an existential panic attack? If there's business to be done, then there's business to be done, but I'd rather get the shock out of my system sooner rather than later." If this didn't earn me the right, then there was something fundamentally _wrong_ with the universe.

I could practically _hear_ the fat shinobi rolling his eyes. "Do you need to swear?"

Had he seriously just asked that? He seriously asked that. The rant actually came easier because he asked that, but it was still… It was some sort of _wrong_. "It's fucking justified! Everything I value in my life has been ripped from me, I'm a damn corpse, I'm surrounded by demonic teenagers who work for a mad scientist, and odds are I'm going to get the shit beaten out of me by a terminally ill sociopath because my native language doesn't use honorifics!"

There wasn't an immediate reply, so I spent the next couple of seconds struggling visibly with the restraints while cussing them out. I was cussing out the restraints, not the Sound Five. It wasn't until Kimimaro spoke up again that I paused in my struggles, realizing what I had just revealed. "I'm dying?"

On one hand, Kimimaro was a sociopath who had, less than a minute before, punched me in the gut. On the other hand, he just found out he was dying, and I disliked the notion of dying in general. Myself dying in particular, but unlike Orochimaru I had empathy enough to act on compassion. "The disease is non-contagious, unspecified by my source, and by the time it was identified in an unmodified timeline it was incurable. The disease itself was never explicitly identified in the series, so it _might_ be beatable with early identification. You'll have to talk with Kabuto."

"Yes, you will." The voice was warm and wet, each word dripped into the room as the footsteps of the new arrival became audible. Even if he hadn't been telling Kimimaro what to do, I would've been able to recognize the speaker from voice alone. "He's in his primary laboratory, so now would be a good time to have him examine you to confirm our guest's claim."

I heard footsteps depart, followed by hands gently pressing on my shoulders from behind my head. They were larger than spider guy's hands had been, so I guessed that it was Orochimaru. "Hmm… It seems that you've enjoyed a stable transition, more so than my previous attempts. Those previous attempts seemed rather convinced that I was evil, and to be opposed even at the cost of their own lives. Tell me, what is your opinion on the matter?"

That, actually, was a better question than I was willing to admit. Orochimaru being Orochimaru, I couldn't exactly follow the psycho blindly. However, if I didn't work with him, he'd probably kill me, and then all the horrible things from the canon would happen. Well, I assumed it was the canon setting, but my being summoned alone was a divergence on that point. In any event, I couldn't foresee any storyline I knew of where an Akatsuki victory was good for the continent. Well, I could think of one, but I was reasonably certain that this Orochimaru wasn't the Fourth Hokage.

"Your previous attempts were short-sighted if they thought that opposing your efforts would be a good idea. As ruthless as you have the capacity to be, there are worse individuals than you in this world, and their goals are in conflict with yours." The hands lighten in their touch, and I fail to contain a smirk. Hopefully, I was catching his interest. "Akatsuki needs to be stopped from collecting all the jinchuuriki. If I need to side with you to do that… Then I need to side with you."

There was no immediate response, and I started to worry that I had been a bit too honest. Orochimaru's fingers drumming idly on my shoulders did little to put my concerns at ease. When he eventually spoke up, his voice had taken on a more cautious tone. "Explain how your knowledge of the future works."

"The events of the next couple of years form the plotline of a manga I read back in my old world. Well, assuming that this timeline matches with the canon of the manga, or the anime. It's possible that this timeline matches with one of the fanfictions that I've read. Do you know which team that Uzumaki Naruto has been assigned to? The manga was primarily from his point of view, what with his being the protagonist, so…"

"Kabuto reported that he failed to graduate, if memory serves. The boy wouldn't be noteworthy if not for his guest." Orochimaru actually sounded confused at Naruto being the deciding variable. Well, that wasn't going to be too difficult to address. "He overcomes this, then?"

After failing to nod, I continued. "One of his teachers, Mizuki, creates an opportunity while trying to frame him for a capital offense. Long story short, Naruto demonstrates competence in a Jounin-level jutsu, uses it to defeat his Chuunin teacher, and a teacher who witnessed the altercation decided that such warranted promotion. Will decide? I don't know how long Kabuto has been from Konoha."

"Too long, it seems. Kimimaro's health takes priority, but I'll need eyes in Konoha sooner than I thought, it seems. Do you know when Uchiha Sasuke will unlock his Sharingan? I doubt it would be substantial data in a series focused around the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, but-"

"It'll be before the Chuunin Exam when you plan on attacking Konoha, and he'll be competing in it." There was a shift in the fingers on my shoulder, and I took a moment to process the meaning. Ah, right, Naruto's team was still an unknown, so it wasn't certain yet as to whether or not they would be together. "In the manga, he's on the same team as Naruto and a kunoichi named… Her personal name is Sakura, but I have trouble remembering her family name. She doesn't really contribute much to the plot. Haruna, I think?"

"Sasuke's development would feature prominently alongside his teammate, then. Yes… Whatever the future holds, your insights would be useful. Tell me, the attack on Konoha…"

"It fails in an unmodified timeline in all the versions I read that have progressed that far, but for the same preventable reasons. I could probably go over the matter comprehensively if I had the chance to sort my thoughts, take some notes, put on some pants…?" I added a hopeful tone to my voice, which got an amused chuckle out of the snake Sennin. His hands lifted off, and with some silent signal those around me moved into action. I could feel the straps being adjusted, loosening, and as soon as I have a hand free I move it to cover my groin. "Tayuya's still in the room, isn't she?"

As soon as I asked, she removed the strap that had been covering my eyes, and I took in my surroundings as I tried to sit up. Purple walls with rippling curves were on what sides I saw, along with the Sound Four removing my restraints. Their appearances were similar enough to their drawn counterparts to make out who was who, especially in the case of the spider guy with his extra arms, but they seemed almost alien from their original appearance in person. Surprisingly, the weirdest thing was Tayuya's hat. I'd have to ask her about that at some point, if opportunity allowed.

The kunoichi scowled at me before she looked at where my hand had shifted under the sheet. She let out a mirthless chuckle, and then looked over my shoulder toward where I assumed Orochimaru was standing. "It looks like somebody wants me to get the fuck out. Orochimaru-sama?"

"Go check in on our Genin team candidates. All of you should go, actually, since there are enough to spare. It's already apparent that we need to reassess our strategy." As the young shinobi departed, I turned my attention to Orochimaru. By some miracle, I kept a straight face, but he looked like Voldemort in drag and a wig. Of more immediate note was that mine was actually one of two tables, the other had the cloth over a female silhouette. Once the two of us were alone, Orochimaru's smile lessened _just_ enough that his appearance was no longer amusing. "So, do you have specifics?"

"Ah, I suppose you would want to cut to the chase. The trouble with that is that you tend to kill people who are no longer useful to you." His smile actually _widened_ at that, and he let out a soft chuckle. That was alarming for all sorts of reasons, but at least it meant that I could accelerate my efforts toward preservation. "I'd like assurances that my life will last substantially longer than it takes for me to tell you what you want to hear."

"The price of your service is being able to serve me further than I had intended. It'd seem like madness to anyone who didn't have knowledge of my future plans." Orochimaru tilted his head in thought, his smile having grown impossibly wide. As he contemplated, I spared a glance at my person. Other than the coloring and texture of that zombie jutsu, the body looked healthy. It was healthier than mine, which made the whole situation… Unnerving didn't feel adequate. Orochimaru started speaking again, and my mind snapped back to the discussion. "Sakura's family name was uncertain, so your memory is imperfect. I suspect that I would need you on the ground during the invasion. Key tactical data might come up with firsthand reminders, and I doubt either of us want your insights to be wasted. Perhaps you might have a role prior to the attack?"

"I could. Pretending to be a Jounin sensei wouldn't require I actually be a Jounin, and would justify an active role in the Chuunin Exams." I tried to sigh, but nothing came out. After realizing what had gone wrong, I took a deep breath before successfully letting out a sigh. "You're going to stick some sort of control seal in me, aren't you?"

"Actually, I won't."

_Wait, what?_

"You'd be surprised how sophisticated the jutsu that summoned you to our world was. Even if I hadn't needed to insert a seal to bypass the language barrier, modifying the control seal to accommodate the wide range of minds I was seeking potential summons from risked ending the jutsu prematurely. I can still end you with a thought, and making your body receptive of a variety of hosts may have diminished the Edo Tensei's regenerative abilities, but I think you'll agree that keeping your free will is a small price to pay."

"I'll have to remember that." I didn't believe him on general principle, but it was good to know what he wanted me to believe. The only reason his story was remotely plausible was because it was dancing around how applying a control seal to his modified technique was beyond his competence. Either way, it'd be good to know that my body didn't regenerate fast enough to be functionally invincible, if that genuinely wasn't the case. "You like my idea, then, having me act as the Oro Jounin instructor?"

"I would have preferred to observe personally, but if it will make the difference between victory and defeat, I'd be willing to give you such a position. Now, you said that the problem was preventable?"

"Konoha would be put on alert by the murder of the referee from the preliminaries of the Third Exam, which occurred due to him overhearing a conversation between Kabuto and Gaara's sensei while they were watching Gaara answer to an unsanctioned challenge by the Oro Genin that made it through the preliminaries. No challenge, no murder, no alert. Also, Gaara's siblings were too overt in conserving their strength during the Third Exam. If the numbers can be rigged, put them against each other so one surrendering without a fight would seem less suspicious. Finally, Gaara is made to bleed, which makes him flee the battle before transforming too far away to be of use. His first match being against someone who could break his shell would cripple the offensive." I probably wouldn't remember most of those if they hadn't been highlighted by various fanfics, but I wasn't about to invoke the wrath of the man who could literally end me with a thought.

"Do what you will with the Genin to prepare them for their role. I shall see what I can do to tamper with the matchups during the Third Exam. I have plenty of preparations to pursue, though. Wait here for now, I'll see to it that chambers were arranged for you. Heh. I wasn't expecting an informant that I'd be keeping around." Orochimaru chuckled softly to himself as he left through an exit with no door, the only apparent way out of the room.

Not wanting to anger him, I decided to stay put for the time being. The situation was less than ideal, but it was survivable. As I try to fashion the sheet into a makeshift robe, I hear his voice carry through the hall. If I heard correctly, he was asking about my name. Unfortunately, my name would be a dead giveaway as foreign in the Naruto world, so I made the biggest mistake since I got here. "Mine doesn't work, so just pick something that starts with a J!"

The moment I said it, I knew I'd regret it.


End file.
